Category: Uncategorized

For three days the croft has been in that ‘oh so magical until you need to work in it’ setting. The snow came Wednesday night and has decided to take up residence. No problem, most things are set up for ensuring all animals can get food and shelter. For the calves wintering outdoors, their ring feeder is still filled with the majority of the original large bale of hay. However, it is a useful tie to give them a bit extra and get them use people. As I filled up the buckets (yes, the same recycled energy buckets that are the same colour as the postie’s van and cause cow bandits to be in operation (see last post)), the calves appeared from the woods as if a secret whistle has been  called for them. I was then followed up the fence line like they were at a dog training session. However, they have always done that so didn’t think much of it. I was oblivious to their scheming. Little was I to know that as soon as I opened the gate I would be greeted by a stampede. Picture the wildebeasts in The Lion King. Only I wasn’t practicing a roar before the stampede. Lugs, who is the spokes calf for the three had his head in one bucket with such force I trying to keep the bucket and myself from going backwards. The second in command made a beeline for the open gate, I quickly dropped the buckets to attract them back (I know I need to do some running practice but I prefer planned sessions so the flash image of chasing the calves round the garden, house and car were not in any of my goals for the day). At the time I dropped the buckets to get the calves back, four of our five sheep nose dived for the garden (which was where I had left their bucket). See, this is one of the problems we have this year in that I ordered separate foods for the cows and sheep. To be fair, it was done in the autumn when the cows and sheep were out frolicking in different fields. No problem I thought at the time, the cow nuts are not suitable to sheep, nor is the sheep food supposed to be eaten by the cows, that will be easy to sort them. Ha, I take that back. This means high calibre tactics are enforced. The percentage of food in each bucket is determined by who has to be fed first, how you attract the right animals to the right food, who can defend their food the most, and how quickly you can run from one area to the other while getting five sheep to merrily follow you. The nose diving sheep were awarded a red card for their dramatics and sent back 50 paces…to their trough and onto their side of the fence. Calmness restored. Until….

I spot that we have one audacious ewe. Looks like I need to go back to the drawing board of feeding tactics if she can put her head into Lug’s bucket!

SSE (Scottish and Southern Energy) obviously feels it is of high importance to notify me 6 times about an up coming power cut. This is after a proposed power cut last week which I only received 4 letters for and never happened.

Should I wonder why they think I need to be told so much? Or do they think I may never receive some of them? Do they think the steers will hijack the postie on the way past the byre? The cows are good at acting like bandits (think NY gangster style) if they think you have food. Recycled energy buckets are used to give cows nuts, energy buckets are postbox red, postie drives red van, van must means lots of cow nuts, postie approaches croft with the imagine of wagons crossing the Wild West, he has a will to survive and return home after shift, therefore he is likely to surrender remaining post to cows and give only one SSE letter to the crofting wifie as the cows happily munch through the loot of five SSE envelopes.

Man, can you imagine being on the Communication and public relations of SSE’s rural settings department? What else do they have to factor in to ensure those of us in the sticks receive their information?

More annoyingly though, their letter states they will give our details to third parties for marketing research and training purpose; I’d like to know what research they have behind so many letters! Who else has hijacking cows? Unless it’s normally sheep…?

These are not just any cows, these are Shetlands who can get their fodder by fairy lights. OK, the fairy lights were put up for a BBQ in the byre to celebrate the mini crofter’s baptism. And why take them down? Got enough work to be doing and as the nights draw in, it’s nice for once not to need a head torch for every event outside.  Even if the cows show no interest in their luxury, I like them. And besides, that should mean I don’t need to put up any more lights this year…I wonder if the cows would like their own tree in the byre? I could decorate it will sugar beets and make tinsel with cow nuts. Make a star out of straw and place it in an energy bucket to hold it upright. Wonder why no pet shops have ever thought of this as a selling product at this time of year…

Does anyone else go about their day changing lyrics to songs? My most recent one is ‘Manitou, oh I could do with one of you’ (many thanks to Abba for supplying the tune…). Cheesy but it sticks.

Next up: Dung at Mart by The Cowbells…oh, and the list could keep going.